vale[ blog ] diary of the last hollow soul

Now about five minutes before my time to leave for the usual thursday (Thor's day) afternoon german lesson, i felt a sudden urge to blog (once again there is this neologism—and many more, nouns turning into verbs, verbs into adjectives and so on). So i blog. There was a nice argument going on among a few plurkers including me about a few interesting verbs with prefixes (i hope that's how they're called in english), and whether it's correct to use them with those prefixes i've been using them with.
Another thing is the reason for my silence this week. First of all, my day ends usually after ten in the evening, and by then my brain's like a ragged mop, only having enough power to laugh on lame videos posted on plurk, eat my dinner and after a hot shower go to sleep. Not to mention i'm not feeling the best nowadays… Though i'm getting used to it. I don't think anyone around me could tell, but that's alright. I hate to worry myself, and i hate to make others worry even more. Rather die quietly in my dreams. This strange feel sometimes also gets stronger, and then it's like the world's turned off, i'm forced to sink in and just think. Though i can't. Anyway, then i have so really cool ideas for blogging, that it's really strange i couldn't reproduce any when i'm well. Like now.

Or rather a day of hell. It all began with me going to sleep a quarter past three in the morning, after winning (with an ally) a game of Munchkin. Before that we had the freshman's eve in the dorm, which was pretty much fun, we ended up second place. Enjoyed it more than the uni's freshman's day for sure. And it's also good because we've been having fun together with the people we live together with. We started the game with a glass of delicious and very strong plum spirit (the traditional hungarian home-made kerítésszaggató pálinka). I can't recall drinking anything so noble and pure in a long time.
Before going to sleep i set my phone to wake me at eight, because i wanted to come home with the bus at eleven. I just forgot that if the repeating of the alarm is turned on, it won't ring on other days than the checked ones. And friday is unchecked, because i usually don't wake early. So i slept, and had a nice dream (i can't remember the dream itself, just the feeling that it was something fun and such) and woke around ten. And even this way i missed the bus only by a minute. Guess how much fun that was. So for the waiting i bought myself two National Geographic mags, a hungarian and an english edition, which i read all the way home.

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It's all going to get new meaning. I'm going back and still forward, moving on to a pure next stage, an empty sheet. Lately i've heard it way too much how i changed—for the worse or the better was left unclear, but the situation indicated the former. I couldn't understand that at all, since i hadn't felt anything like that. I was myself, maybe more than ever. But now on the bus home i started to wonder. Was this really me? I'm too alike my blog. I hope i can form myself just that difficult.
What made me think was the word philosophy. I no longer was someone trying to act wise. I was someone acting as a fool. What i meant by being too alike the blog? I changed myself just like last year the blog engine, without any proper planning and work. Just another sketch out of first impressions, and again it took about a year to realise that this won't go how i planned.
I was way too self-confident. I succumbed to the seven sins: lust, pride, sloth, and probably even the other four (envy, gluttony, wrath, greed). I can say i failed my own ideals. I'm working on myself now. Starting over from sketch, with plans behind and goals ahead of me. I really will live a life without regrets now.
But i'm also undecided. It won't be easy. I forgot so much… I thought i was always happy back in the spring… Now i'm so unsure, yet sure in what i want to do…