No, i haven’t seen that Will Smith drama from last year, and i don’t want to write about that. I just had very interesting experiences lately. To be exact, i felt happy, now and then. Last night i remembered that week i spent with my friends in the summer—though writing relive would be more precise. Remembering seems to make people happy. When i remember how great a party was last year—and there was a couple of great parties indeed—i only remember how much i enjoyed it, how much fun we had, not that next day i was this-and-that overhung. Memory (the mental ability of remembering past events) seems to sugarcoat memories (the impressions of past events): when i recall a concert for example, where i know, that i didn’t enjoy myself so much, even though i now feel like it was a great thing. It must’ve been.

There is a very interesting state of mind, usually of those who could smell the feet of death by their heads. If anyone interested, it’s called apathy. It could be best described as… well, as being totally uninterested in everything. Literally.

There is an other state of mind, that i myself am in in the past week. Akin to apathy, i’m like “whatever” all the time. Not that i’m not interested, i’m just tired to respond. Why bother? So… consider this post a great thing.

Now in the aftIernoon i would so much have gone in town just to have a beer with a friend and have a good talk. Too bad no one was available, rather those who were were rather into getting drunk in some pub, and i didn’t want it that way. Well, it doesn’t really matter, this really is a low-feel afternoon and eve, too bad i can’t do much about it. Don’t feel like doing anything, maybe going out for a walk would be nice, or driving just aimlessly somewhere, but it’s not probable that i’d do any of these. It’s sad to see how close relationships can alienate people.

Crushed here i lie, like a bug. Like a bug of least importance and significance. Crushed by crush. How foolish it was on my behalf to do what i did last autumn—and naturally it did end up the same way. Downwards, falling into infinity. Help surely won’t come, it never does, this thing is something everyone needs to solve himself. Feel down man, seek nepenthe for your pain, or if you’re brave try living with it. I think i personally am a coward so i’d rather bury myself in work just as i did last time. And driving, because i realised that when i drive i don’t think. If i can keep it up long enough, the best medicine, time will bring surcease of sorrow. Until then, smile on, grief in. Try not to show what’s been hit by the mace of life with such fury that it shattered into millions of splinters, all sharp and painful. Doesn’t matter. Try to be happy on the happiness of someone dear, try to survive, and try to go on. Go on, there’s nothing to see here. Someone suffered near-fatal wounds, but life decided to keep him for now. I wonder how it feels to die inside. Maybe i already know?