This is about the title in most possible interpretations. For the years now I’ve been working in Japan, I noticed certain (really annoying) things about shit. This wasn’t much of a problem during university when most I’ve seen my Japanese fellows was when we were getting drunk together, but actually working at a company means I have to endure actual people around me most of the day. And their various smells.

I’ve got a sensitive nose, apparently. I can smell what the family in the next house are having for dinner with my window closed. There is one smell that I could never really pick up, and that is alcohol. Sadly, shit is not one such.

I don’t know if this problem is a thing in the west, where ass-washing toilets are less common, but I’ve encountered it a lot in Japan. My previous company there was a man who’d regularly smell like he literally just shat himself in earnest. No, not just a stinky fart. Just how you can tell if your dog just farted or actually shat in the corner.

And I had to notice that was not uncommon. Especially now that I’m commuting by train, basically every morning I run into a middle-aged person who just reeks like shit. For a long time I just couldn’t imagine what could cause such a stench, save for simply not wiping their ass. Turns out, that might be just what happens.

One day I was peacefully taking a dump myself and the next booth was occupied too. Then there was the usual spraying sound of the ass-shower, and then the guy just stood up and walked out. No sound or even time to roll some toilet paper and wipe his butt. And I fear that unless you shit literal bricks, you’d need at least a few wipes to clean off what was left after the shower. That might be the idea? That the shower is sufficient? Bad news, your stink says otherwise.

Anyway, that leads me to the second point, that is the toilet paper. There are actually two things that annoy me a lot. One is when someone takes the roll off the holder and after use, instead of putting (the remaining part of) it back, just puts it on top of the holder and leaves it there. Put. It. Back.

The second feels like it’s intentional. Sometimes the paper is rolled back, so just finding where its end is can be a challenge. I can’t imagine how could someone accidentally produce such a situation, so I must assume it’s a farewell gift to the next user?