This is about the title in most possible interpretations. For the years now I’ve been working in Japan, I noticed certain (really annoying) things about shit. This wasn’t much of a problem during university when most I’ve seen my Japanese fellows was when we were getting drunk together, but actually working at a company means I have to endure actual people around me most of the day. And their various smells.

I’ve got a sensitive nose, apparently. I can smell what the family in the next house are having for dinner with my window closed. There is one smell that I could never really pick up, and that is alcohol. Sadly, shit is not one such.

I’m a tolerant person when it comes to Japanese people interacting with foreigners (such as myself). I patiently answer their questions about where I’m from and why I’ve come to Japan (for the 9001st time even), I don’t complain about hello-harassment and I smile at the people who stare at me. I humbly reply to people complimenting my Japanese and help out people struggling to talk to me in English (despite them not knowing any).

Just the other day I had a hearty laugh with a co-worker when we were on our way to a meeting, and while I was waiting for him taking a piss at a park’s public toilet, some little girls happened to start practicing English just next to me (but never talking to me). My co-worker could hear them through the restroom doors and I think that was his first time witnessing what it’s like to be a foreigner outside of a “safe” environment (such as at work).

However, last week I got a text message that crossed the line.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my deepest despise and utmost scorn towards the two beloved guardians of the law who thought I had nothing better to do at 2.30am riding my bike home from work exhausted mentally and physically, than to have a good 20 minutes of “chat” with them. From my heart I wish them a bull’s bulging boner between their buttocks and beyond.